wouldn’t it be cool if jellyfish floated around in air instead of water but they didn’t sting you instead they gave you little kisses and rubbed your forehead with their tentacles
Our safe word was buttons
I’m not sure why you chose it
Perhaps it was the way those b’s and t’s
hit like my belt to your bottom
or the way it sizzled out with a ‘ssssss’…
But I’m glad you had a word
I’ve whispered a thousand words
to the heavens
and none of them
saved me
from myself
I JUST WANT TO EAT CAKE BALLS. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?
if anyone ever breaks your heart just remember they are only human and you can break their body
how to give a good handjob
- bop it
- pull it
- twist it
- harder
- better
- faster
- stronger
You pull your left hand in
You pull your left hand out
You pull your left hand in
And you shake it all about!Cha cha real smooth
none of you ever touch a penis
I’m not sexually frustrated, I’m sexually FURIOUS *punches hole in wall*
*has angry sex with the hole*
*hole leave in the morning and doesnt return your calls*
(Source: rgfk)
“you shouldn’t be depressed, people have it worse than you”
finally, after years of searching, the person with the worst life ever is found. formally, they are granted permission to be sad. but only them. only they have earned it. no sads for anyone else at all ever